For my babydoll bff, Sara.
5 years gone, forever in our hearts ♡
Five years ago, one of the best, most bright and shining people I have ever met passed away.
At her funeral, I wanted to say something. All of her best friends said something…as you would naturally want to do for such an awesome person. I prepared something- a poem, and even though I have social anxiety and have never been able to stand up in front of people, I told myself that I would do it for Sara.
Unfortunately, I was too weak and afraid to…all my love for her couldn’t get me up there, and I was mad at myself for that. I couldn’t believe what a chicken I was. I felt like I had let her down again.
I’ve been on quite a personal journey of growing and learning these past five years since she’s been gone…and I have to say that I owe it all to her…and now to two other amazing people and dear friends that passed away last summer, Huy and Yoichi.
I live life differently now. I am the same person, with the same faults and fears…but I have grown. I am no longer crippled by memories of my troubled past, or anxiety ridden about the future that I am afraid may not be what I want it to be.
Life is a beautiful journey filled with love, laughter, and the best feelings and experiences in the world…while I miss the people who are gone and am fully aware of the lackluster and sad things in the world, I know that those are also a part of life and acceptance of that and letting go of attachment to our ideas of what life should be can make us truly free to embark on a journey all our own. It’s a journey where we can move forward and do our best to make the world a better place in the smallest ways, being grateful for all the beauty and happiness, letting go of the pain and sorrow – letting it become our strength.
This is living. We can’t change it, and each of the things that happen to us, just happen and they make us who we are. They become our strength if we allow them to.
It’s not an easy journey and I know that many things that I wish not to happen will. The way I deal with them will be my choice. So I know I need to keep mindful about what really matters and cultivate inner peace when I am happy and healthy.
Why did I go back to the US for that year, just in time to live with Sara during her last year? I didn’t understand then, but I believe it happened for a reason now. It was part of my journey to spend time with and learn from her, and so that I could meet her beautiful friends.
I thank Sara for introducing me to these wonderful people – so talented and lovely in their own unique ways. I love seeing how their journeys are playing out. Seeing how their lives have changed, I imagine that Sara’s life has touched them all in similar ways. No more waiting for a better time, we only have now. Let’s not waste it.
When Sara and I lived together, I was waiting for the optimal time to really live.
NOW is all we have and it’s the best time. No more time for the ego to wallow in its own sorrow.
I will treasure this life and everyone I meet in it. NOW it’s different because I don’t just feel it inside, I DO SOMETHING. I do my best to LOVE every day of my life; I will LOVE with ALL MY HEART till I die. And when my lil blip of a life is over, I will know simply that I lived a life full of LOVE.
I didn’t know how to honor her then.
I don’t know if this is the best way, but this is what I’ll do for now.
Sara was one of the realest people I’ve ever met – She always kept it 100….100% REAL… loving, fun, sweet, funny, caring, talented…there were so many reasons to love her. She taught me to be better and love life. My lifestyle has changed a lot over the past five years, and it’s all because of people who inspired and taught me.
So in honor of her, I’m going to start something I call “Keeping it MINDFUL 100.”
I’m going to post every day for 100 days on Instagram (with a goal to have as many corresponding blog posts as possible). Each day, I’ll share a tip to mindful living that I’ve learned from someone or something that inspired me. I’ve learned a lot over the years so I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to come up with 100 easily…but we’ll see. Stay tuned, I guess. Lol
I’ve been working on getting this blog up about my journey to a more mindful and happy life for a year but it’s still not ready. I have a lot of ideas about how I could use my struggles and strengths to help others. I really want to focus on that now. It’s a work in progress. So, I’m taking two months off in the summer to backpack around Europe, learn more and get my thoughts in order.
It’s all part of my MINDFUL MICHI.
Can’t wait to see what adventures lie ahead!!
Please support me by joining me on my journey. Just go to the link in my ABOUT ME and subscribe to my blog to get email updates when I post. Your support would mean the world.
Also, I’d love to hear your thoughts on life, what inspires you, or anything you’d like to share. Comment below or start a forum on a topic.