I feel like I’ve lived about 5 lifetimes. It’s a weird feeling. I can’t quite explain it, but when I reminisce over the things that have happened in my life, I can’t believe it all happened and that I’m here now.
Where is “here”?
Well, not Japan anymore. I moved.
A suburb of Charlotte, North Carolina?
Yes, that’s where I live.
But no, not “here, here” in the physical sense, but “here” in the present moment, in the mindset that I’m in.
Two years ago, I was living in England and three years ago in Japan. It’s been a whirlwind and my life has changed so much from the outside looking in.
From the inside looking out, my whole perspective has been changing these past nine years. The last three years have been the most meaningful though – a chance to really focus on myself and learn who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s been a while but I’ve learned a lot and so have a new project and so much to share about my experience. I’m still working on becoming the best teacher/tutor/mentor/student/friend/person/being that I can be.
I lived in Japan from 2006-2020, with a year of living back in the US in between. Living in Japan for over 13 years was an interesting and transformative experience. In 2012, I moved back to the US for a year and some things I experienced that year, including watching one of my best friend’s pass away, brought me down to what I can only explain as the lowest of lows. Looking back, I don’t see it as one of the worst times of my life, although it felt that way, but instead as one of the most important and influential. I will be eternally grateful for the incite and push it gave me…that she gave me.
All the suffering of life seemed to swell, culminate, and push me straight over the edge like water spilling over a cliff. It’s what I needed to start to make a change. I needed that rush of emotions to really overflow and send my mind into an unknown river of transformation. I needed to explore my inner self…the scariest place there was apparently. I’d been running from it through distracting myself with things outside of me for way too long. Now, I had a feeling of wanting to know everything about what I could do in this world. Who am I? What don’t I know? What am I participating in? What are my fears? How can I help? No longer paralyzed by worry and confusion about the state of the world or of my life, I started watching every documentary, reading books, talking to anyone in a search of answers. There wasn’t any fear of what I would learn. I just wanted to “know” so that I could decide for myself what I believe in, and what I participate in.
I haven’t posted on social media for well over 2 years. I decided to hang back for a while when I saw the post about Black Live Matter that called for people not to fill feeds with things that will distract people from learning. I didn’t have anything particularly “important” to say, and I needed to work on myself, so I told myself I wouldn’t post till I had something worth saying. That was, after all, right after I realized what my calling was – my life’s work, or whatever you want to call it. I don’t exactly know why I’m back to posting except that I know it’s the next step. I also know it’s scary to me for some reason, and so I should. Gabor Maté, upon release of his newest book “The Myth of Normal” said in an interview a few weeks ago, “I think how scared I was to write this is an indication of its importance…not in the grandiose sense, but of how important it is to me.” I totally understand what he meant and I am no Gabor, believe me. I am just…well, me.
So here I am, embarking on my new lil project, my company, MINDFUL MICHI, LLC.